I’ve got a running list in my head that I simply cannot see the end of.
I try to get it all written down into my (very cute and uber functional) Erin Condren planner, but once I start writing, the list escapes me.
Ah, Pregnancy Brain. I certainly won’t miss YOU.
Jon’s into his second full week of school with kids, and that means loooooong hours. I remember my first year of teaching, and I wasn’t home much. Being a Music Teacher, Jon’s got less grading but about 12 times as many kids to see each week. And instruments to hand out. And spreadsheets to make. So he is busy. And I totally get that.
Emily is…well, sweet and funny and cute, as always. For about 2 hours a day. The rest of the day is an out and out battle of the wills.
Yesterday, we were supposed to go to the library, and then to Chick Fil A with some new friends (FRIENDS, people, did you hear that?!?! We are making friends!). But Emily decided to throw a fit on the way out of the library.
(Because she wanted to go to Chick Fil A.)
(Where we were already going.)
So, since I am determined to be consistent and follow through, and also think that it’s common sense that no child of mine is going to scream, hit, and then get to play in the playplace, we had to bail on our friends.
(We did, however, drive through Chick Fil A. Mommy needed a Spicy Chicken Sandwich, and I like to think that driving right past the slide that she did not get to go on made the punishment sink in a little bit deeper. Yes ma’am.)
She continued the fit the entire time we were in the car. The whole time. Over 20 minutes. A few times, she calmed herself down and informed me that “I think we’re done now.” And then she’d start screaming again.
After the third time she said this, I intervened before the screams began again and said “You’re all done throwing a fit? I think that’s a great choice, Emily Ann.”
To which she emphatically replied, “NO MOMMY. I all done with CONSEQUENCES!!!”
So, there you go.
At another point, I told her that Mommy would like to help her calm down, and asked her how I could help her right then.
(I am so trying to be gentle, people. I have no right answers. I’m just shooting in the dark here. Don’t judge me.)
She actually calmed down for a second and seemed to think about it. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel!
Until she said, “I think the slide would help me. I think I need to go on the slide.”
Fat chance, kid.
So, that’s my life right now. Also, I’m growing a soccer player in my uterus and trying to keep track of kick counts (and forgetting them so having to start over) and taking my blood pressure at the local pharmacy every few days because I can’t get in to see a doctor for another week. At least. Gotta love changing insurance in the middle of a pregnancy.
And I’m working on about a zillion projects online. Like my next eBook, my next traditional book pitch, Simply Devoted, a new business we accidentally fell into, and blogging (fun stuff coming up here!).
Stretched thin. That’s me.
There is one thing keeping me grounded. Just one thing.
I’ve been getting up by 5:30am on most days. I grab my books and water and sneak out to the living room where I snuggle up in the corner chair and crack open my Bible.
And I soak in the words of Jesus and Paul and James and relish the quiet. I open my journal and write, not for readers, not for a project, not for work, but just for me and Him. I write down verses and thoughts and prayers and pour my soul onto a college-ruled piece of paper.
The writing is praying for me. The reading is life. He meets me there.
And honestly, after that time, I’m usually ready to start my day, even knowing all that lies ahead.
That quiet time is so very crucial. It feels like a luxury, but it’s actually my sustenance. I cannot live the way I want to live without the One who brings life into my every moment. I just can’t.
I know there are times in life when getting up at 5:30am is not always possible. I’m anticipating that I’ll need to find a way to rework this time once Nathaniel arrives.
And I’d just like to mention that I’ve never done this consistently. Never been that disciplined. But lately? I so deeply see my need for it. So I do it.
This morning, I just want to encourage you to make some space. To find a spot in your house that is peaceful, and to start meeting Jesus there. Every day. Bring Him your lists, your worries, your challenges, and lay them at His feet.
I can tell you with certainty that He can carry those things better than you or I can. So let’s let Him.
Let’s meet with Him in the quiet, and allow Him to fill us up with strength to survive the noise. Let’s embrace the luxury of time just with Jesus and recognize that it is really our very life source.
Grab a notebook. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Grab your Bible. And start your days with the One who can direct your steps, light your path, and carry your load.
When do you find time with Jesus? Do you notice a difference between the days you make space and the days you don’t?