I should have waited until after the post office to mention the popcorn at Target.
Instead, I told her the whole plan as soon as we got in the car. She was already a little cranky, so I knew that popcorn would perk her up.
Unfortunately, we had to go to the post office first, and we pass Target on the way. And she knows that Target is the popcorn place. So as we passed Target, the tantrum roared so loud that she could not hear me explain that we would get popcorn after the post office.
I should have just turned the car around then.
Instead, I proceeded to the post office, talked her down from the tantrum, and ran through the rain to get inside the building.
She was upset that she didn’t get to “walk with mommy”.
So as we stood in line, two people in front of me and a growing line of four and more people behind me, she showed me her displeasure by going limp noodle and hanging from my hand that she had been holding.
Few things drive me crazier than the limp noodle.
Every time she stood, she leaned on the chains that were set up to indicate where we were to be standing in line, knocking them over.
I picked her up then, letting her know that if she couldn’t stand up like a big girl, mommy would have to hold her.
And all you-know-what broke loose.
The screaming started then. The ear-piercing, face scrunched, make-sure-everyone-is-watching kind of scream. As I began to tell her that we do NOT yell, she hauled off and hit me in the face. A few times. I pinned her arms close to my body and the screams started again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
We were next in line, and Jon really needed me to mail this package. Of course, the person in front of me brought in a BAG of packages to mail, none of which were addressed or had postage. So we stood there. Screaming, hitting, trying to maintain some semblance of composure.
And then she ripped my earring clear out of my ear, and screamed into it.
I paid for that package faster than I’ve done anything in my life and we got out of that post office.
As we left, Emily calmed down for a second, looked at me, and said “popcorn time!”.
Ha. Yeah right, kid.
We skipped Target and went straight home, which, of course, resulted in another round of tantrums. At least this time she was confined to her carseat.
As soon as we walked in our front door, I put her in her time out spot, explained why she was there, and ran away as fast as I could.
It was just around the corner into the kitchen, but still. I ran.
And I let her sit in her time out spot for longer than the recommended two minutes. It was more like fifteen.
I needed to calm down. I needed her to calm down. I was so angry and embarrassed and dealing with the feeling of being a total mom failure.
Why couldn’t I control my daughter? Why couldn’t she behave for the ten minutes we went into the post office? Why, when she did act out, could I not stay calm and speak peacefully?
Sigh.
It was a hard day. And although the time out gave us both some much needed space to breathe, the tantrums and screams continued on and off until bedtime.
I have one child. Only one. And she exhausts me and brings me to the end of myself more than one day a week.
I love her with my whole life. I want the best for her, and I would throw myself in front of a bus for her. But this mommy gig? It’s hard work. And there are days, like yesterday at the post office, where I feel like I am completely and utterly inadequate.
Some days I wonder if I’m cut out for this. Some days I wonder how on earth I will ever manage two. Or more. Some days I feel like I just can’t be a mom today.
I’m learning, though, that even the best moms have days like yesterday.
One thing about Emily’s … spirited … personality is that it drives me to my knees. Never before in my life have I prayed with such urgency for patience and wisdom and needed both of those things right that second. Jesus has to be present in my parenting, every moment of the day, or else I’m at serious risk of screwing up my job here.
I wonder if, most days, you feel the same.
So tell me, friends. In the spirit of not being alone, I’d love to hear your “post office stories”. The ones where you want to melt into a puddle in the middle of a very public place. The ones where you feel like losing your mind is an actual possibility. Let’s share, laugh, bond, and remind each other that no, we aren’t alone.
We’ve got each other. And a Jesus who promises to walk with us and give us what we need.
Let’s thank God for that! And confess your post office stories. Go! 
(And also, if anyone has any advice on how to put a stop to the screaming, I’d love you forever.)
Link up your Marriage & Mommyhood posts below – anything on faith, family, or post office stories. 
I don’t have any post office stories that are nearly as good as yours… but I do have memories of leaving the grocery store in mid-shop a few times. Nothing like painstakingly choosing produce just to leave it all behind. You did the right thing by not rewarding the behaviour. I would sometimes tell my kids that I couldn’t hear them because they were too loud. I loved the confused look that was sure to follow, and often it was enough to help them dial down the volume
Hugs!
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(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤… Jennifer
http://jennsrandomscraps.blogspot.ca
Jennifer recently posted..Pancake Tuesday
I have left a whole cart of groceries to take a screaming child and a newborn baby back to the car and home. Groceries would have to wait until later than evening when my husband was home. I have 3 children now that are out of that “scream in public” phase. (Thank the Lord!). One tool my husband and I used was a gentle (or not) pinch on their thigh. This pinch is not designed to leave a bruise but temporarily painful enough to send a message. Stop screaming or it will be harder. The toddlers quickly learned that lesson.
One more thing though that I have done for a “mother in crisis”… I have stepped in to help. Sometimes as a complete stranger you can help to calm down a toddler or give the mom a reassuring glance that we have all been there. We understand and we will help (if possible). I encourage other parents to give this a try. I have made funny faces at screaming kids and made them giggle. I have helped a mother to “scold” her child by agreeing that some behaviour is not acceptable in public. I have offered hugs to other stressed looking moms. Please do this. You never know who’s life you are saving and the seeds of God’s real love that you are planting.
I so agree about stepping in to help. The man behind us was laughing at Emily, which only spurred her on more. It was frustrating.
I have tried the pinching thing, but it just makes her scream louder? I am at a loss. But thank you for your comment! So much wisdom there.
Oh yes, we’ve ALL been there. I had one daughter bite the other daughter (and it was started to become frequent)… SOOO in the check out line – and since she’d done that before, I’d resolved that the next time I’d do it back (not hard enough to leave a mark, but clearly she had no idea how it felt, so I needed to demonstrate) and of course, it happened in front of the lady at check out…so without thinking, there I was amidst 2 screaming babies – one because she was bit, the other because I scolded & bit her…yep. No addition needed to this story – you can image the looks, my feelings of “I’m a terrible mom” and all that goes with it. Hang in there! It does end…promise
When little, I’d tell the girls often they needed a time out – for me just as much as (if not more) then them.
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I have an almost 3-year-old boy, so my stories consist of him RUNNING off. The last time he did it, I had a pizza in one hand and was running after him to catch him. I have a fear of him running out into the parking lot or traffic, but we’ve talked about it over and over and basically scared him by telling him that he can be hit by a car. He hasn’t been bad to scream, but he has ripped into a box of cereal in the store or open a can of soup. I really identified with your feelings of inadequacy though. Toddlers are HARD. And we’re going through a not-listening phase right now, so that is SUPER frustrating. I told him the other day that I needed a time-out and he said, “Did you do something bad, Mommy?” Ha. Nope, I just needed to calm down or I was going to say or do something I would regret!
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Oh Kayse, I’m so sorry. That is SO not fun. I think I have blocked most of the public embarrassment stories from my memory because I can’t think of a good one to share with you. Certainly not one that tops pulling out your earring (OUCH!). But I know I have rough days with my kids where I feel like a complete failure and want to literally run away. And sometimes I do. I have gotten a neighbor to watch my kids for an hour or two to escape and calm down. Or the second my husband walks in the door I get in the car and drive off to some happy place (like Target or the grocery store) to be alone. And usually that helps me regain my perspective and be more ready to go back and face my toddler with slightly more patience than before.
Trust me, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! You are doing an awesome job! This is the really hard part of the mommying job, but somebody’s got to do it. I think you handled it great-going straight home after the tantrum, putting her in time out, taking a little time out yourself, and making it through the rest of the day! (I probably would have gotten angry and given a spanking as soon as we got to the car and then muttered bad words under my breath all the way home) Hang in there and see if you can squeeze in some extra hugs and loves today to make up for the rough mommy day yesterday.
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Oh I’ve been there. In the Post Office. In the grocery store. In the car. In our house. Mothering is hardest things I’ve ever done. My kids have pushed me to my Father and made me laugh more than anyone else too. Hoping today is not as wild for you!
Kristin Taylor recently posted..{#TellHisStory} Surrender
I have had bad days in parenting like anyone else. Tantrums are difficult when you are out. Try as best as you can to deal with them at home so she does better when she is out. It is hard. Really hard. I have ended up feeling like a failure millions of times. Bringing your daughter home without popcorn was sure the right thing to do.
Thanks so much for hosting the linkup party today.
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I am dreading the day my son starts his tantrums (he’s young right now). I use to think before I had kids that the ones who did that just had bad parents. But after having my own kid and knowing they make their own choices, they sin, and I can’t control that… its hard!! I have no advice. I just know that you’re a great Mom.
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Okay so I’m only 9 months into mothering and I don’t have a post office story (yet) BUT I have witnessed these melt downs AND PRAYED FOR the mother and the child/ren. I have prayed for God’s peace over that child and wisdom for the parent. I remember a time that it was pouring rain and as I was struggling to get my groceries into the car, I could hear a tantrum in progress. This mom had a toddler and an infant and was trying to get the infant in the car meanwhile the toddler was screaming her head off. The mother looked like she had been crying. I noticed she kept struggling with the car seat meanwhile the toddler’s face is turning tomato red as she continues to kick and scream and get drenched. I had an extra umbrella and ran over with both umbrellas opened and covered the mom with one arm and toddler with the other. The mom snapped at me and said, “I’m okay!” I think she was trying to convince herself that she was okay. I didn’t personalize her response and I kept the toddler entertained while mom got the baby in the car. With the kids in the car, she unloaded her groceries quickly, didn’t look at me or speak a word. She got in her car quickly and left. I got in mine and interceded for that woman and her family all the way home and throughout the day. I don’t tell this story to toot my horn but rather to encourage every mother out there that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. You never know what is going on in the spiritual realm that surrounds us. God placed me there for her. Be encouraged. You may never see the person or hear the prayer but trust that God knows our needs and is faithful to meet them.
My now 18yo was our “train-boy” and loved all things trains. Twice we had the kind of melt-downs you talk about. Once on a trip to Salt Lake City for a tennis tournament, the final day promise was a trip to the zoo. Near the end of the day we rode the zoo train, and the then 3yo wanted to take ti home to Idaho! He sounded like we were kidnapping him as we left. We has to stuff him into his carseat. “He’s so tired, he’ll be asleep before we hit the freeway!” Or so we thought! Two hours down the road the wailing was finally turning to the hiccuping, sniveling type crying. Then there was the time in front of KB Toys in the middle of the mall where they were displaying the train we had bought him for Christmas…it was a throw yourself on the floor,kick, scream, cry, and anything else that might work fit worthy of an Oscar. He will head off to college in a few months, and I would give anything to have him want another train to play with (but no fits, thank you).
The tantrums from my baby all happen at bed time…and by the time she’s done neither of us care about staying around each other. My best advice that was given to me is to not go to bed with things unresolved. I apologize and ask for forgiveness before she goes to bed. We both learn humility, grace, love and peace. And I learn to rely on God more and to forgive myself more. Thank you for being real! I often forget that my girls are not the only ones to have bad days.
I’ve only done this at home, BUT, once you’ve done it, all you have to do is threaten it.
I have pitched my own tantrum. Right in the middle of the living room floor, kicking, screaming, fake crying rolling around. Both of my kids stopped what they were doing and laughed at me. So when they would star getting ramped up, especially out in public, “Don’t make ME pitch a tantrum too.”
Or, I have dropped everything when in pulic and gone to the restroom. There is no one watching now. Sometimes a small crack on the behind. I would call it a “discussion”. I would say, “Do we need to go have a discussion in the bathroom?”
My younger one has indeed been more of a struggle. She was trached. For lung and airway issues. She learned this neat trick called “breath holding” along with her tantrum. She would turn blue and pass out. After a couple of times, it didn’t scare me so bad. But she used it to get her way over everything. Until the day I laid her down in the floor, so she wouldn’t hit her head if she passed out. And walked around the corner. No audience.
I don’t know of a kid who hasn’t thrown one. And I would agree, and even more so now that I’ve been immersed in a special needs world, giving a mama an encouraging glance or smile or a word of encouragement will be appreciated. It isn’t at all related to bad parenting. It’s a kid trying to figure out the world and limits.
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Kayse, if there is a mom out there who has NOT had a “Post Office” moment, I’d like to meet her. And probably give her a dirty look. Or wish more children upon her.
While I was reading your post, I kept thinking of the day when I was eight and a half months pregnant (yes, that extra half-a-month matters at that point), and my three year old decided to scream loudly about something ridiculous at the back of a very large grocery store. I put him sideways under my arm and walked (as gracefully as I possibly could while being the size of a house and holding a screaming, flailing child like a football) out of the store. I don’t remember what happened next, but I’m pretty sure it involved tears. From both of us.
One of the best things I ever did with my second child was to take her to the car once for a much-deserved spanking. She had refused to hold my hand while walking through a parking lot, and I have a major issue with the possibility of one of my children being hit by a car because they won’t obey. Amen? I didn’t know it at the time, but that trip to the car gave me the “back up” I needed many times after that day. She knew that when I asked, “Do we need to go to the car?” I just might mean it (even though I’m such a wimp that I probably wouldn’t have taken her there very often!).
So my word of advice: Follow through with your “promises” for discipline, and at least once make it in a way that will leave an impression (that doesn’t necessarily mean a spanking. whatever works for you.). Let her have the reminder that she might not be able to get away with “it” just because you’re in public. Then be prepared for her to test you again and again. Ahhh…the joys of motherhood!
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