First, A Couple of Things ::
- Not that you have your kids reading my blog, but the topic for today’s post is probably best read by adults. I haven’t written about this before, but I believe it’s one of those topics that we really need to talk about as Christian women.
- I’ll be spacing out the word (s e x) so that this post isn’t marked as spam by default. I just want you to know that I do know how to spell it, and how to use the space bar. This is intentional.
- Dad, I know sometimes you like to call and talk to me about my blog posts after you read them. That is so sweet of you. Please do not do that today. I will be conveniently unavailable.
Sound good? Ok, here we go…
I’ve heard it said that the two topics most married couples fight about are money and s e x.
Jon and I never fight about money.
I won’t be airing all of our dirty laundry here (I know you’re so sad about that), but I just want you to know that I get it. It’s possible that I’ve mentioned once or twice that if it wasn’t for s e x, we’d have the perfect marriage.
Baggage, expectations, personality, desire, kids, stress, busyness… all of these things contribute to make s e x an incredibly complicated activity. Can I get an AMEN?
Today I just want to focus on a couple of things that are true about s e x. Sometimes all the complicated stuff seems to cloud out the truth, and we (especially we women) just need to remember the basics.
1. God made s e x. Contrary to popular opinion, this wasn’t the brainchild of men. God created
s e x to be a unifying experience between two people who have committed to serving each other for their entire lives. Enjoyable? Yup. But it’s more than just that. S e x is a way to physically express the miracle of marriage – two becoming one.
2. If God made it, Satan wants to destroy it. We live in a s e x-saturated culture. But we’re not saturated in s e x God’s way. No, instead we are surrounded by billboards and commercials and magazines and internet sites that take something beautiful and warp it. Satan loves nothing more than to twist God’s creation into something that lies and destroys. Pornography, adultery, fornication, all of these things are accepted, dignified, and celebrated in our society, yet they only lead to addiction, destruction, and wounded people. Married, monogamous s e x is seen as boring and unfulfilling, when that’s never the way God intended it to be. What’s more, Satan sees your Christian marriage as a deadly threat against him, and you can bet he’s going to wage an all-out war on it. (<- tweet this) The most effective way for him to do that? Attack the one thing that is sacred to marriage. Do yourself a favor and remember that the enemy is Satan, not your husband. Stop believing the lies.
3. Men and women are wired differently. I’m guessing this is not a shock to you. But take a second and think about whether or not you’ve really accepted that. Are you trying to change your husband? Encourage him to become a little less… excited… and a little more like you? Do you find yourself frustrated at him for things that are often simply a part of being a man? This is a hard one for me, I’ll be the first to admit. I find myself having to regularly pray for acceptance and gratitude that the Lord made my husband the way that He did. (For example, I just told Jon that this is a hard post for me to write. His answer? “I think the real problem is that you don’t write about s e x enough. You should definitely write about it more.” Case in point.)
4. If you’re married, (barring any extenuating circumstances) you should be having sex. Regularly. Don’t hate me, ladies. You know it’s true. Our husbands need us to acknowledge this truth and embrace it, without bitterness or resentment. I know we prefer to connect on an emotional level (especially on those days when the kids are draining and we are exhausted and sleep sounds like the most arousing thing we can think of), but we have to remember that s e x, often IS our husband’s primary way of connecting with us emotionally. No, I don’t get that either, but it seems to be the truth. That emotional connection for men happens after a s e x ual experience, and in a monogamous marital relationship, that’s a win for both parties!
5. S e x can be fun! I hope you do know that. And chances are, fun s e x is right up there at the top of your husbands wish list. So let yourself forget about the dishes and the laundry and the giant to-do list that you have going in your head, and relax for half an hour. Enjoy your husband. Build that connection. Just be with him. We women have such a hard time with this, I think. We go through the day checking off all of our completed tasks and we let s e x become just another thing on the list that we need to get done. Where’s the fun in that? Do yourself a favor and train your mind to let go of your responsibilities for a while and live a little.
S e x ual Wounds
I want to just stop right here and talk about wounded hearts. Not for a second do I think that all of you reading this walked into marriage with a clean slate and zero s e x ual baggage, whether physical or emotional. I certainly didn’t, and neither did Jon. Nor do I think that getting married is the magic eraser of s e x ual issues. If anything, I think marriage is the great magnifier. Together, Jon and I have walked the spectrum of struggles with these issues, and I just want to take a minute to let you know one thing. There is no issue too great that God can’t redeem it, no marriage too high-maintenance for our Savior to heal it. (<- tweet this) I’ll talk about this a lot more in my book, but I just need to mention it here too. For those of you struggling through a marriage that feels impossible, or dealing with s e x ual sin in your own life or in the life of your spouse, please know that there is hope for you and your marriage. We serve a God who is able to do more than we could ever ask or imagine, and that includes restoring our marriages to complete fullness in Him. (<- tweet this)
I’ll close here with some deep and meaningful insight from my husband:
Married sex is awesome. Just do it. And then do it again.”
I’m a lucky woman.
Check out the other posts on s e x this week!
This is the last post in the High-Maintenance Marriage series. We all just want to say THANKS for sticking out this series with us! Hope you’ve found these posts both fun and helpful. We’d love to hear from you in the comments below!