Yesterday I printed all 70 pages and 30,000 words of this baby off and mailed it to my agent for the first round of editing done by eyes that are not my own.
My deepest pain and God’s great mercy, all written out for the whole world to read if they wanted to. Makes me think twice about this whole thing. Puts a little fear in me.
It has been a difficult month, writing-wise. I have felt a pull very strongly to home, and family, and time with my baby girl. I have needed to be intentional with my time and work on projects around the house that have been begging for my attention for months. And then I got the flu and then both my hubby and my kiddo got it too, and, well, we had to kind press pause on life for a couple of weeks there.
None of that stuff meshes well with writing.
See, I write best early in the morning, in a busy coffee shop, my hands wrapped around a mug of hot tea. I write best when I take time away to be quiet and still and focused.
This is not the life of a mom.
My mommy life is busy and strenuous and very, very loud. It is tugging hands and “pease, momma” and tantrums and time outs. It is puzzle pieces and crayons and paint. Everywhere. It is cooking and cleaning and laundry and dishes, all which never seem to end. There is no time away, no quiet, no still focus.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl. So in the last few weeks, when the balance of these two calls on my life have threatened to push me over the edge, I have been tempted to throw in that writing towel. Clearly, my first responsibility is to my family, and that is truly a full time job.
But the writing… it’s not something I can let go of. More importantly, it’s something that the Lord is asking me to hang onto. It is healing and reflecting and sorting thoughts into words that solidifies Christ’s work in me. And every now and then He surprises me with the added blessing of others who read these words and identify. So that is something.
I have to wrestle through and figure out how both of my callings can fit together into my larger one – using my life for His glory.
This week Holley has challenged us to do one less thing. To give one thing up, so that we can focus on the things we were made to do. I have turned this over and over in my head the last few days and really, most of the things I do cannot be easily abandoned.
But in writing this post, I realized how true it is that I write best in the early morning. How that quiet time between Jesus and me is so precious, and pretty absent the rest of the day. I need to carve out the time for that, and that means being able to get up earlier than my family.
And to do that I need to go to bed by 10pm. Every night.
So this week, I will commit to giving up my nightly tv/computer time, and head to bed by 10pm. This way, I will be sure to get enough rest, get up early, and devote time to writing in the morning. In this way, I can spend the rest of my day pouring into my family, without reservation or dividing myself.
Head on over to Holley’s place today to check out what everyone else is giving up to focus on their dreams. Is there something in your life that needs more of your focus too?